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A Struggle To Find Love. The Tanya McCain Story
"Even the most unlikely of pairs can make a wonderful whole"
If you ask this writer's opinion, I believe love is something truly worth finding and fighting for. As long as it's a true love, that is. Love is a word often thrown around and away with very little action behind it. But, what about those who get the short end of the stick of love and keep fighting? Are they brave or are they foolish?
Tanya McCain ran from every problem she had into the arms of her biggest issues; The wrong men in her life. Suffering from abusive relationships and failed marriages, she decided it was time to stop. During her cease and desist, she met a man who wasn't her norm. In fact, you'd agree he was her exact opposite.
She married that man and is married to him to this very day. A happy, and albeit, opposite couple that came from years and years of unhappiness, insecurity and abuse. Tanya, in her own words, has some advice for those who seek the greatest feeling of all time here
Live your years as they are
I was forced to grow up fast because of my parents and their life choices. While I don't regret it, I wasn't exactly able to be the child I wanted to be or, for that matter, the teen that I wanted to be. Be that as it may, I realized later that this was just one of those things I needed to do because it made me who I am today. So don't get upset if your young years aren't like others. That's just the way life is.
Don't ever be the victim
I'll be honest, I've had my fair share of crap to deal with and it's not exactly a pretty picture to portray. Regardless, I've never chosen to be the victim because, to me, that's not a position that I want to see myself in. I'm a fighter, a bit of a scrapper, and I refuse to let anyone or anything have a final say over me, my emotions and my outcome. When hard times strike, we can either take the hit and fall or strike back. I've just always hit back and I encourage you to do the same
You're beautiful and never let anyone make you feel otherwise
This goes back to me being a bit of a fighter. In every bad relationship I've been in, I've always had the worst of it in emotional abuse. Being called fat and unattractive when I was 5'8" and weighing 120 lbs is a big mind warp. For a while, I believed it. It was when I began to search for who I really was, I learned that it wasn't true.
It all comes down to choice
I know it seems very overstated, but it truly does all come down to choice. You cannot always choose what happens to you but you can make the outcome what you want it to be. No one chooses to be beaten. No one chooses to be abused. No one chooses the worst possible person they could be with. However, we can all choose whether or not we will stand for it. We can all choose whether or not we are going to let it continue in our life. At the end of the day, it's our choice to leave or stay.
Some things never end
I developed a lot of issues out of all of these relationships and, even to this day, I still have relapses in periods of time where I feel so inadequate, inferior or just down. My husband is my best friend and a huge support system for me but I believe there will never be a time where I'm 100% clear and free of all emotional issues. And that's okay, it doesn't ruin me, my relationship or my day. In fact, I believe it makes the good times that much better when I know my husband is there for me and always has my back
Don't be a fixer
We all know someone who seems to always invest the most of them into the most broken down individuals with a huge list of red flags and problems. They stay and fight it out for reasons we cannot even understand. I am one of those women. I am a fixer and it's done me more bad then good. Though I hold no grudges or hang ups, I am just saying if you want to be a "fixer", fix yourself. You can't help anyone until you can help yourself. That was the hardest lesson I had to learn.
Opposites attract, but don't always work
The oldest attraction are opposites. It goes as far as teen romances to black holes. This is a natural course, but it takes more than that to make a relationship sustainable. Honestly, if my husband wasn't as patient and understanding as he is, we'd probably be divorced by now. I'm patient but I can fly off the handle ( the fighter, right?) and he's my voice of reason. He may not have been who or what I wanted, but he's everything I needed and more. Sometimes it works that way.
Tanya, in her own words, wraps it up with this final thought
."you have to be by yourself sometimes. Face yourself and love yourself. Because if you don't love yourself, you cannot love anyone else." - Tanya McCain